Hard to believe it's almost 'that' time of year already.
Well it's a good 5 week off yet but the proliferation of baubles and that every time you venture into town has an intoxicating effect.
With Sir Bob, Captain Bono et al chucking their Zucchero-esque caps into the ring to challenge the festive ubiquity of Emperor Cowell and his pie-eyed minions, encouraging apathetic relatives throughout the land to concede that they don't know their grandchildren, nieces, nephews, sons, daughters and such anywhere near as much as they should, and they are directed by the notion that the charts are the solution that will free them of their avuncular / paternal / falsified notions that they care.
It goes without saying how much our previous projects (a badly photocopied social history of Burnley's failed commercial ventures // a photographic record of the time-travelling exploits of a 1970s footballer // several barrels of an entire porter available exclusively at an East Lancs Micro-Brewery) illustrate all too well how we posess a natural instinct for today's consumers and what 'the kids' want, so we figured if anyone could attempt to loosen the stranglehold these various commercial factions have on popular music, it is we. So here's what we've done;
Though completely and totally unrelated to that mop-topped fab four who still continue to sell tons of records, our pals Lipton & Jarvis have adapted a moniker of 'The Beatless' (check the speeling) in homage to classic Yuletide gift misunderstandings, with particular reference to my elderly Aunt who presented my 9 year old self with an off-white robotic 6" plastic monstrosity bubble-backed onto a 'Space Wars' card that one can only assume her cataract-ridden vision regarded said 'gift' as a Palitoy StormTrooper or something. Our relationship never recovered.
Based on extensive research into the most enjoyed contemporary pastimes and public interests in order to give this product maximum popular appeal, our musical chums have recorded a cat walking on a piano, a great deal of tapping, and what sounds like a spaceship or something and mixed it all together. And called it 'No. 1 Single'.
If all those commercial aspects weren't quite enough to assure us the coveted Yuletide top-spot, as football is still very popular with the youth of today, and in keeping with our Number One theme, our good friend Don Pascoe was recorded reading out the names of several of his favourite Burnley FC goalkeepers who all wore The Clarets Number One shirt during the latter part of the 20th century, taking in sporting luminaries who are still widely revered to this day such as Paul Crichton and Tony Woodworth. Unfortunately the tape recorder broke and he appears to be talking backwards but still..
Leaving nothing to chance and keen to make this release as commercially viable as possible we have released it solely on the most accessible format these days - The cassette single.
It retails at £1.99 so give us a shout if you want one.
Accompanying track '25/26' is a short instrumental interpretation of the melancholic feelings that prevail when you find yourself alone as Christmas Day sneaks off for another year and you're sat there with a full belly and empty pockets at midnight waiting for 'Mutiny on the Buses' to commence on BBC2.